day 94

Today on 4-4, was the day of the amnio result.  What would baby #4 be?  Healthy or Downs, it was 50/50 according to my Integrated Screening.  Knowing the results were coming in today, my husband came and sat with me.  It was a LONG day.  I had made it VERY clear that I did not want to get the results alone, nor did I want to get them from the Genetics Counselor, Becky.  She didn't deserve the right to give me good results.  I had it all over my chart, the nurses all knew, and even the doctor that did the amnio just down the hall knew my requests.  I was completely on edge.  I had spent the last 4+ days wondering what my life would be like.  I could imagine a life with 4 healthy babies, but I had no idea what it would be like to have a Downs baby.  I knew, I wasn't afraid of having a Downs baby, it was the unknown obstacles that scared me.  I tried picturing my life and who would be in it.  Would all my friends run, or would they still be there for me?  I had so many questions that scared me as well.  But even in the midst of those four days of fear and many tears, I ALWAYS stopped short I guess you could say, my mind never wandered down that path for very long, and a sense of peace took over and allowed me to smile and even think of normal things in life.  The tears never flowed for long.  Knowing me, that in itself is a testament that I was being cared for and comforted.  I've never been on this end of so many prayers.  I have never had the need for so many.  I KNOW I felt the strength from them.  It overwhelmed me to think of others praying for me and making the effort to make sure I was on Temple prayer roles all over the U.S.  I have a whole new understanding of the power of prayer and strength in numbers.  It's why I was so determined to have a "large" family, why I begged to have this #4.  Why I kept trying for 2 years even though many around me said to me, "but you have three, be grateful and move on."  I wanted my kids to have those benefits that come from "large" families.  I look at my family and I feel so blessed to be one of 6 kids.

Anyway, this picture is the clock I starred at for hours.  Especially today, as the time ticked by.  I thought at first the results would be in first thing and I'd find out from my Dr. when she came by for rounds.  Nope... not then.  She said she would call over at noon and see if they were in then.  So, we waited.  Nothing.  After some waiting Neils stepped out and walked down the hall to the office I did the amnio.  He saw the doctor sitting at the desk eating her lunch.  She popped up and said she had just called at 12:30pm and they weren't in yet, but seemed very confident they'd be in today.  So at that point we sat, expecting to hear something before 5pm.  And then... in the late afternoon... RESULTS.  The doctor that performed the amnio walked in with a smile on her face saying, "I couldn't get a hold of Dr. Macy but I thought it'd be okay if I came down to tell you myself."  Of course, I felt positive as she said those words.  Why would she be eager to bring me negative results?  I was right.  The baby is healthy and 100% sure that he's a boy.  XY