day 119

Today, was just one of those days.  I kept Sky home from school well... just because.  There's all sorts of reasons, and basically it was just easier for me.  So, we sat around in our jammies, partly because Jett was sick and I wasn't up for getting dressed when it was just cold and SNOWING outside.  We weren't going anywhere and so why bother.  Sky has had a thing for jumping on the mini tramp lately and jumping her scarf (in place of a jump rope).  She is quite the jumping jelly bean!  She can go and go, all with this SCARF!  I went in to take pictures of her jumping and look who didn't want to miss out on the spotlight... :)  He's a crack up!
 
 

day 117

Jealous of the fact that Jett was having a "Teddy Bear Picnic" at school today, I promised to break out the picnic blanket and plates.  I told her we'd have our own picnic at home after we took Jett to school and she could invite whoever she wanted.  She invited her favorite friends, baby Molly, Purple Hippo and you can't see her but, Bunny.  I sure enjoy my three days a week that I get to spend two hours with JUST her.  She always talks my ear off! 

day 114 also...

How could I not post this one as well... it's the way it goes EVERY Easter.  I want them all together in their darling outfits with perfectly combed hair, and they complain that it's just "too bright."  I get frustrated beyond belief every year.  Even with all my begging, it just never happens the way I want it too. 

day 114

Easter Sunday... and 21 weeks along.  I don't like how incredibly round I get (not just my belly) when I'm prego.  So, don't expect to see any other prego pictures of me.  Suzanne is insisting on doing maternity pictures, but I'm not interested in the least!  I HATE being in front of the camera, HATE IT!!!  I'm barely okay posting this one.  But for the sake of my 365 and for having at least one prego picture in my life that I'll keep, here it is.  Plus, my kids were incredibly awful at pictures today (like EVERY Easter, so this is all I've got.

day 110

CRINGING....

He went like this to school... When I asked him what he was going to do when he saw his teacher, this was his answer.

day 108

Seriously?  It's been almost a week since I posted a picture.  I'm terrible at this.  Oh well, I'm going to just keep at it the best I can.  Every day, doesn't seem to be happening, but it's still my goal! 

It happens every 6-8 weeks, I want to cut Jetts hair, but he pleads with me to let him keep it.  Not understanding why he doesn't want to cut it, I ask him if he wants "Justin Bieber hair."   The answer has always been the same, strong, "NO!"  So, here we are again, me wanting to cut it for Easter weekend, and him begging to let him keep it.  Why?  There's never been a reason why, but tonight he finally said, "I just want to put my hair like this and show my friends at school and then you can cut it."  AHHhhhhh!!!  Okay, I am going to let him (as I cringe inside) cause what's it going to hurt and for some reason, he likes it!  :)

day 103

Don't worry, I'm not forgetting to go back, I will still fill in a lot of the days missing.  But I wanted to get this posted for today...

Last night I went over to Suzannes to work on lighting in her studio.  We had a friend, a master at lighting come and help us figure some things out and how to get certain looks.  It was such a great night of learning.  There are so many aspects of photography and studio photography is a whole aspect on it's own.  Lighting in studio, is so much different than outdoor or natural light.  It's not like you can move the sun closer or further away like the light in studio.  So, I watched and learned new things.  I'm so glad I took the time to go over.  I didn't feel like going in the least.  It was a hard day.  Just not a 100% yet and it's killing me.  Anyway, so I took pictures yesterday, but they were with Suzanne's camera so I don't have one for yesterday.  Today though, I wanted to post something that captured light and shadows in a way that I created it.  With the older kids at school, I took Brooke into my front room, moved couches around and played with the light on her face.  We did the standard pictures, but then there were a few I was able to convince her to do to get the light the way I wanted it.  This is one of them.  

day 101 (Lots of 1's in todays date, it's the first of many great days I guess)

So, yes, I have some backtracking to do.  But at the same time I need to stay on top right?  So, here's one for today because it was a GREAT day.  I'm home and getting back to normal.  I've still got a ways to go, but the sun was shinning and I felt happy to try and tackle some of the daily tasks myself.  It's amazing what laying in a hospital bed for 7 days will do to you.  I WANTED to clean!  I need to remember this when I'm overwhelmed with too much to do.  With all this bottled energy, came a desire to take some pictures too of course.  

I had this cute outfit with this hat for Jett to wear and I told him I had to take his picture in it first before he could wear it around.  I had the perfect spot to take the picture (down the street there was an old pale yellow and white Thunderbird parked for sale).  I drove past that car day after day but never took the chance to take his picture.  There was always some reason, the weather stunk, or he was sick.  Well, on the way home from the hospital, I noticed it's GONE.  So that plan is gone too.  I decided today, before he wears this outfit AGAIN, it was time to just get one (even before I combed his hair, did you notice?).  So here he is, indoors just being silly but I LOVE IT!  I get to have another one of these... (a boy)!

 

day 98

There is a reason I drive all the way up to LDS Hospital to have babies and so when I was told to go to the ER of course I went to LDS.  They have the most amazing staff of nurses.  In fact, I can't wait to see them in 5 months, they were that great!  I felt like each and every nurse that spent a day with me was the perfect nurse to get me through that particular day (I had some tough ones to get through).  I think each of them were there on those days for a reason.  Heck, my life the last two weeks has been laid out perfectly.  I could not have laid it out any better myself.  It's those tender mercies I speak of so often, that I know the Lord has granted me again and again.  This week was filled with them.  It made me smile to get this thank you card in the mail, signed by each of the nurses that cared for me.

day 94

Today on 4-4, was the day of the amnio result.  What would baby #4 be?  Healthy or Downs, it was 50/50 according to my Integrated Screening.  Knowing the results were coming in today, my husband came and sat with me.  It was a LONG day.  I had made it VERY clear that I did not want to get the results alone, nor did I want to get them from the Genetics Counselor, Becky.  She didn't deserve the right to give me good results.  I had it all over my chart, the nurses all knew, and even the doctor that did the amnio just down the hall knew my requests.  I was completely on edge.  I had spent the last 4+ days wondering what my life would be like.  I could imagine a life with 4 healthy babies, but I had no idea what it would be like to have a Downs baby.  I knew, I wasn't afraid of having a Downs baby, it was the unknown obstacles that scared me.  I tried picturing my life and who would be in it.  Would all my friends run, or would they still be there for me?  I had so many questions that scared me as well.  But even in the midst of those four days of fear and many tears, I ALWAYS stopped short I guess you could say, my mind never wandered down that path for very long, and a sense of peace took over and allowed me to smile and even think of normal things in life.  The tears never flowed for long.  Knowing me, that in itself is a testament that I was being cared for and comforted.  I've never been on this end of so many prayers.  I have never had the need for so many.  I KNOW I felt the strength from them.  It overwhelmed me to think of others praying for me and making the effort to make sure I was on Temple prayer roles all over the U.S.  I have a whole new understanding of the power of prayer and strength in numbers.  It's why I was so determined to have a "large" family, why I begged to have this #4.  Why I kept trying for 2 years even though many around me said to me, "but you have three, be grateful and move on."  I wanted my kids to have those benefits that come from "large" families.  I look at my family and I feel so blessed to be one of 6 kids.

Anyway, this picture is the clock I starred at for hours.  Especially today, as the time ticked by.  I thought at first the results would be in first thing and I'd find out from my Dr. when she came by for rounds.  Nope... not then.  She said she would call over at noon and see if they were in then.  So, we waited.  Nothing.  After some waiting Neils stepped out and walked down the hall to the office I did the amnio.  He saw the doctor sitting at the desk eating her lunch.  She popped up and said she had just called at 12:30pm and they weren't in yet, but seemed very confident they'd be in today.  So at that point we sat, expecting to hear something before 5pm.  And then... in the late afternoon... RESULTS.  The doctor that performed the amnio walked in with a smile on her face saying, "I couldn't get a hold of Dr. Macy but I thought it'd be okay if I came down to tell you myself."  Of course, I felt positive as she said those words.  Why would she be eager to bring me negative results?  I was right.  The baby is healthy and 100% sure that he's a boy.  XY

day 91

Today, I had the amnio.  It was quite nerve racking.  My parents and my husband were there for support.  I know many wouldn't risk having an amnio, but given my results of my Integrated Screening, I felt like I could go through with it and I'd be blessed.  It was my way of preparing for what was to come.  We've been asked to be prepared, so knowing that, I knew the amnio would go fine.  Hours before, the doctor came in and went over the risks and benefits.  She came in and explained what would happen exactly, what it will feel like, and what the higher risks were now that I had been on blood thinners.  It rocked me a little, listening to the now added concern of excessive bleeding.  She didn't even seem 100% sure herself that we should do it.  She said, "this is elective, it's not something we HAVE to do."  It was as if she were talking me out of it.  I said to her, "I am okay doing this, if YOU are okay doing this."  Her response was, "I will take a good look around first, before I do it."  I liked it.  I liked knowing she wasn't going to give me an answer until she could see more.  I gathered the main concern was whether or not she would have to go through the placenta.  She said, "it's about 50/50 chance, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't."  So in those hours before, I prayed.  I prayed that she wouldn't have to go through it and it would go smoothly.  Sure enough, it went perfectly.  It was painful as can be.  It took two pokes to get the fluid she needed, but in the end it was perfect.  The baby stayed out of the way and at the end kinda waved at the needle.  She expected me to bruise quite heavily cause of the blood thinners, but I didn't even do that.  Two tiny pinholes hardly noticeable.  It is amazing!

Tonight after the amnio, my dear dear friend Suzanne came up to comfort me and bring me all sorts of treats to get through the week, Cadbury eggs, Peanut M&M's, magazines, red box movies, and a yummy dinner from Cafe Rio.  She sat and we talked for hours.  It's not often we can sit and talk for long periods of time without being interrupted.  It was nice.  I enjoyed every second of it.  While she was there, I had her get out the picture of the baby from today's ultrasound.  It was then that I told her it's a boy.  But it was her comment that got me future thoughts of doubt.  She said, "he looks like Jett."  It was a sentence that brought so much comfort to me.  I looked at it many times after that and said to myself, "she's right, he's perfect, just like Jett."